Misconceptions?

Your list sounds more appropriate for inner city denizens than most poly people I have known, except I would make the weak sex, "male"..

Why all the concern about people within a marriage, even if not the norm, when we have so many other societal ills?

First- I'm not a polygamist; a mormon, or even a christian- so I suppose it stands fair to say my points, while perhaps valid in opinion, may not constitute the proper life experience to stand strong. However, I think your questions or presumptions are still, at best, less about dogmatic principles and more about the ethic fiber our cultures weave.
That said, I just felt compelled to say something, on the grounds that perhaps you'd dismiss anyone actually living the lifestyle, as brainwashed, fundamentalist or coerced in their answers.

Issue one: Polygamist men are selfish sexaholics

I think in any relationship- monogamous, polygamous, open- selfishness is the proveribial death sentence for pleasant copulation, and relationships. Any marriage or relationship would be hard pressed to survive wwith a selfish half, third, fourth, etc to it- sure, there's certainly been selfish polygamists, and maybe they had wives who were too meak or frightened or insecure to put it on the table, so they just learned to live with it- but I think it happens in every culture, in every religions, etc- there's positive people and negative people, and they aren't really relative to specific theology.
A selfish sexaholic, at least in my opinion, would also be hard pressed to find a wife- let alone several- willing to put up with him. But more importantly, a selfish sexaholic man would not likely be looking ot choose a path that involved committing to many women, and the subsequent responsibilities of that. If anything, he's out trolling chatrooms and bars, looking for quick fixes to satisy whatever his taste.
If he did manage to, i really think the relationship just wouldn't have the strenth to endure itself, b/c in the long run, someone is going to feel cheated, and realize they don't have to feel that way.

2) Polygamous women are weak
Here we stand in an era of global warming, eco conscious evolution, and women's rights. Everyone seems to be jumping on these bandwagons; which yes, are needed to some extent- but it never ceases to amaze me when people come to terms with those things, yet fail to see the irony in the people they've condemmed over the years as "uncivilized" and "backwards".
Most polygamous families who are living it for religious reasons, have maintaned a "homestead" lifestyle. They have lived in small communities, where they work together on the "it takes a village" method; farmed their land, grown their crops, eskewed "pop culture", and instead contnued to make their own clothing. They've been living the green life, and the communal life, long before anyone today realized that those were things needing reinstatement.
Now, if you will- consider the obligations of the sister wives in this setting. They spend their days rearing their children, and caring for other's- knowing, that it takes a village indeed. They've generally homeschooled their children, in addition to done yardwork, farmwork, cooking, cleaning, sewng mending, and so on. In the last few years, my own family and I have tried to follow a similar model- not for the same reasons, but for our own- eco consciousnes, a desire to see our children happy and raised properly- and to live sustainably on our own. I can tell you here, from personal experience- there is no work like that kind of work. it's an all consuming, labour of love- and most certainly not for the weak.
Now let's consider the jaoulsy factor- jealousy, in itself, is such an ugly thing, and such a travesty in relationships. Yet so many of my own friends and family, are so consumed with it, they cannot bear to let their husbands or boyfriends go out for a night with their friends, unless they have a number to reach them at. they're miserable, suspicious, and spend so much time worrying he's up o something, I can't fathom what they have left to enjoy it. I trust my husband- so regardless of whether he goes out and comes across a woman who finds herself attracted o him, and tries to pick him up- I know I don't need to worry. my husband is my husband- he will come home to me, he takes care of me. If i couldn't trust that, than I'd really be better off without him.
It's normal, to feel that way sometimes- it's an insecurity, a feeling you might lose something you love, b/c you know how beautiful it is- but you need to work through that, get past it, and realize no one person belongs to another- the best relationship or marriage is one in which the husband and wife (or wives) don't try to own one another, but take care of one another. So to me, a woman who has accepted the lifestyle of polygamy, is not only a well adjusted and confident one, but also one of the strongest kind. She has allowed her husband and herself the capacity to trust in one anothers intentions, and made a hppy life with them.
ALso, consider the bigotry and negativity these women face for their lifestyle- a weak woman would have a very hard time keeping herself together in that situation. She needs to be confident in herself, her desicion and her beliefs, and that means knowing her own strength.
Many of my friends can't understand why i would be fulfilled living my life as a homemaker. i run a small business selling natural fiber handmade clothing; but i do this from home, and I have all the responsibilities of a traditional homemaker- I cook, i clean, I garden and grow the bulk of our food- and I raise my kids. They always ask me how I don't get bored, or feel boxed in- and I think my god, my life is so filled- I'm always busy, and I do work that I love. I don't see how my choosing to do these things is any different than two women choosing two different careers. if one should become a chef, and another an accountant, does that make either one less "equal" to men? No! Of course not- they simply chose what they loved doing, as I have.

3) Polygamists abuse the sytem
I'm assuming you mean they sign up for welfare? Lets get this straightened out now.
Welfare, cash assistance- is limited to 36 months in one person's lifetime. After that, you get no more. Medical insurance, while not limited with the same time constraints, does in fact have some heavy requirements. besides needng to make an income on which no one could survive, they also can only keep it for 24 consecutive months, at which time they may qualify for an additional 12 called transitional. Being married does not make getting medicaid easy- it may in fact, do the oppoisite- a sngle woman has a far easier go of getting it. So really, while some people do abuse the system, it's nearly impossible to do so while married for very long.

Lastly:
America, which was taken from the native americans, was meant to be a place for the right to religious freedom and freedom from persecution. Today, we seem to lose sight of that- who a person chooses as their bedfellows is hardly the givernment's right to declare. Whether or not you agree, what harm has it to ones who do? I realize there are examples of young women being forced into marriage- but those same examples exist within almost every culture- b/c that is not a religious trait; that's a personal character one. Do you automatically assume every irish person is an IRA bomber? no. Do you assume every italian is a mobster? no. So assuming every polygamist is a child abuser is ridiculous. We see the negative examples b/c they don't show the positive ones; and b/c they are using those examples to garner votes and political agreements.

I hope this may help to change your perspective somewhat. At the very bottom of things, I think these aren't just about lifestyle and religion, but individual choices.
"Only the dead have seen the end of war"
plato

1) Sexaholics? Is that a Catholic word? Just kidding, to my Catechism sympathizers. One day, you too, will discover the truth just as I have.

Truthfully, I haven't had any candid discussions about the bedroom lives of polygamists, but with the few remarks I have heard here and there; and I can also vouch for myself: I do believe monogs have more nookie than I do.

This all stems from the teachings of Lorin Woolley and the Law of Chastity--at least with the Fundies in the Inter-Mountain West. From the Fundie stand-point: Sex is between a husband and his wife, and the purpose (even in nature) is obvious: for procreation. There is nothing wrong at all with that--even the Bible teaches that a husband and wife should twain, and become one flesh--the fruit of that union: a Child. Did you know that once upon a time Catholic priests were known to marry and have families? And why not? Their predecessors did--marrying and raising a family was the thing to do during the time of Christ (JESUS WAS MARRIED, O. Kraut).

It wasn't until Pope Innocent the IX, I think, that declared the Papal Bull that the priests should refrain from marriage/family. But that didn't stop the Eastern Church. And rightly so. I say this because I believe it is within God's plan for us to propogate our species. Ogden Kraut once asked, and I'm paraphrasing from memory, "Could the Savior have come down to fulfill the Law and neglect one of the first commandments ever given by God, 'To be fruitful and multiply...'?"

Why is it so hard for people to believe that the Savior was a family man. He was. You fellow Mormons can go back and read the last few verses of D&C 122, where He challenges the Prophet Joseph, after telling him He had experienced everything Joseph had and asked if Joseph was greater than He.

Sex is holy. Or at least between a man and wife, it should be. The Pagans may have started out on the right track, but I think somebody ate peyote and hallucinagenic mushrooms--lots of them--along the way. I believe that all religions upon this earth had their beginnings in the Garden of Eden, and over the years, became convoluted and misinterpreted, until the Savior walked the earth, then the Prophet Joseph Smith.

It has evermore been the plan of God to build, and for His (and our) adversary to tear down. We live in a day where large families are unpopular, and unions without children are acceptable, and homosexuality is an acceptable lifestyle. Polygamists are the minority, and it appears that the adversary has the upper hand. I'm reminded of a picture I once bought at an LDS bookstore, that depicted a man, as the artist's representation of the Savior, embracing another, and the caption read: "I never said it would be easy. I only said it would be worth it."

We live in perilous times, Twizzler. We travel the Road Less Taken, it seems that sometimes it's hard to see the path of those who have tread before us, but it is there, and we know others have succeeded, so we can, too.

And being a polyg--how can I be selfish, to answer your question. All my efforts are for my family.

2) Being a polyg keeps a man humble in all regards. Many of my Gentile/monog friends are always saying, "Whoa! And I thought I had it bad with one wife! To hear the nagging in stereo or surround sound!"

I have it in stereo, being I have two lovely ladies married to me at this time.

Honestly, my wives could kick my ass!

But seriously, now. I think my wives have more freedom and independence than most of their contemporaries, including women within the Principle. Although I used to painfully sit through yearly training classes when I was in law enforcement, that would mark me as an abusive husband because I believe in the traditional marriage that the man presides in his home. One year, I objected to this, and was met with a vehemence that made me keep my mouth shut every year after that.

Because I'm a traditionalist, society has marked me as a dictator, but I am far from that. I believe as a husband, that a man has the right to preside in his home. His decisions as a patriarch are what ultimately become the law. We are all here to become Gods/Goddesses. Even though we do not pray to our Heavenly Mother, Eve, we know she is with our Father and our God in every aspect of this creation. If one understands the Adam-God doctrine, one then understands that a man cannot ever be elected to that station without the assistance of his wives. Mother is as a full part of the Godhead as Father. My wives are my counselors; we make decisions that affect our family as a quorum, but I preside in that quorum. Does that make sense?

I don't micro-manage my wives, and they can attest to that. They have more liberty than most women, and yet the media would call my wives living in a state of oppression. I encourage my wives to be strong-minded, as well as free-thinkers.

Nah, my wives aren't weak.

3) Take advantage of what system? Because one or two families are in need, that is "taking advantage?"

Again: Nah.

Are there times when I have called upon the State to assist me? Yes, but when I started working again, I did my part to the tax-payers and closed the book. I do not believe--nor have I ever--that people (even monogs) should take advantage of that which has been placed for the needy.

I can say I have been honest, because I, too, am a tax-payer, and I also have a conscience.

Cheers,

Gaaz

A related old thread about stereotyping, 1 and 2 are addressed.
http://www.4thefamily.us/node/1150

The most concise way to address #1 is to point out that selfish sexaholics are generally not married at all. Marridge in any form encumbers someones ability to go hunting for tail as marridge entails responsibilities of family and kids. Sexaholics may be admitted, but if anything it must be conceded that we are unselfish sexaholics, as we are all about taking full responsibility for our families ect...

#2 I don't really know how to tackle as it is in every case I've seen ludicrous. Perhaps there are weak women in polygyny but I'm yet to meet them. Calling the opposition weak is a generally good smear tactic as its a very subjective term. I guess the only way to deal with that is ask the person levying the accusation to explain exactly what they mean by weak, and to know of poly women who are very capable. Usually what I see is a diveristy of skills and strength. Even in the middle east many of the women are quite strong, but the state enforces their low status so they appear to outsiders not be very capable. Western poly women are to my knowledge exceptionally capable and use their skills both at home and at work (it should be noted that its common to have 2 working parents and a stay at home one, so modern poly women work)

#3, I don't hear much about this as I'm not from the States (Though I've heard the same accusation levied in Brittan too) I suppose if it is true it would be because there is a large community of adults which for tax purposes seem to be single parents, legalizing and recognizing polygyny would prevent such exploitation. That is kind of the anti poly crowd's fault.