Huge Price for Polygamy

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BANDUNG, Nov 14 — At the age of 24, Basyiroh Cut Mutia received a marriage proposal — from her prospective groom’s first wife.

Thirteen years later, she and his three other wives say they all still live happily together with Dr Abdurahman Riesdam Efendi, an entrepreneur who is now 45.

In fact, all four women say they have always believed that polygamy is good for a family.

“Polygamy is beautiful and indeed a need,” the first wife, Dr Gina Puspita, 45, said in a phone interview from their home in Pekanbaru in Central Sumatra’s Riau province. “It strengthens our family.”

Her own family adhered to strict Islamic practices, so she said she believes polygamy guarantees her a place in heaven.

“We have had good intentions and motives to start with, so any domestic problem that arose has always been resolved easily,” said Gina, who has a degree in aircraft construction from a French university.

Yet Indonesians, for the most part, frown on polygamy, judging by what happened to Abdullah Gymnastiar.

Once the country’s most popular cleric, he saw his reputation crumble and his career collapse the moment he announced he was taking a second wife in 2006.

The turban-clad preacher clad in leather jacket, known popularly as Aa Gym, not only lost his weekly contract as a preacher on TV, he was also no longer invited to appear at government events. He even fought unsuccessfully to save his companies from bankruptcy.

Letters condemning the 47-year-old preacher, and few in his defence, appeared in the opinion sections of every newspaper. He has since faded from public view.

In Indonesian politics, the Islamic Prosperous Justice Party (PKS) suffered a similar fate.

In the 2004 legislative election, its share of the vote surged from 1.4 per cent in 1999 to 7.3 per cent, the largest increase of any party.

In this year’s April elections — after Tifatul Sembiring, who has admitted to polygamy, took over the party’s helm from Hidayat Nurwahid, who is monogamous — the PKS performed below expectations. Its share of the vote sagged to 6.7 per cent.

Although official data on polygamy is not available, it can be said that most Indonesians are monogamous, and men like Abdurahman are in the minority.

Five years after she delivered his marriage proposal to Basyriah, Gina proposed to yet another woman for him, a young childless widow who is now 42. Then came the fourth wife in 2002, also chosen by her.

“If one is with our husband, the rest — three of us — chat in a room,” Gina said.

When her husband has to go out of town, one of the wives accompanies him, and the rest care for the children and take care of the house and other business.

“We help each other as a team,” she said.

Abdurahman has two boys and two girls from two of his four wives.

“My children were very happy each time they got the present, a new mother who could bring them closer to God,” he said over the phone. “They were happier than when they got a new doll or a new car.”

He and his wives are members of an Indonesian branch of the Malaysian-based Global Ikhwan group that sparked an uproar in Indonesia last month when it launched the country’s first polygamy club in Bandung, West Java.

Critics quickly sounded off.

Veteran actress Cut Keke said she did not believe any woman would agree to polygamy and that no one should ever have any right to promote the practice, the Koran Tempo daily reported.

Leli Nurrahma, a woman activist in Jakarta, told the Gatra weekly magazine that polygamy is a recipe for violence against women and, in many such families, one or more of the wives are treated unfairly.

Children also become victims as their schooling is not adequately financed and daughters sometimes suffer the trauma of seeing their biological mothers suffering, she said.

But Mujib Syamsuddin, 35, a special staff to the president of Global Ikhwan’s Indonesia chapter, told The Straits Times that the polygamy club launched in Bandung was actually meant to provide counselling to polygamous and monogamous couples about the practice.

“We are not promoting polygamy. We are inviting polygamous couples who have problems to come to us and get our counselling,” he said. “We are also telling people that being polygamous is not an easy choice.”

He also said that stringent conditions are imposed on the practice.

A man must have a noble reason for multiple marriage, such as helping a widow or an old spinster who needs support, or to make sure that children get love and adequate parental attention, Mujib said.

But he said a husband does not need his first wife’s approval to marry again, adding that sessions to enlighten the first wife would be needed if she is reluctant or disapproves.

While many see polygamy as simply a means for men to have more sexual partners, Mochammad Umar, 41, head of Global Ikhwan’s Bandung chapter, said: “Polygamy shouldn’t be merely based on sexual attraction.”

Mochammad himself has four wives and 20 children.

Mujib also noted that the group is not just about polygamy. It also runs a minimart, a recording house that produces Islamic songs and a kindergarten in Sentul city, West Java. These businesses, open to the public, are run by the members and for the members’ benefits, said Mujib, who is based in Sentul.

“Our main mission is to promote Islamic values,” he said.

Members in Bandung and a neighbouring town of Cimahi run businesses ranging from a bakery to a beauty salon.

“We come here regularly,” said Ciamis-based new member Dedi Arif, 37, who has one wife, when a Straits Times correspondent visited the bakery last Tuesday. “We discuss with other members a whole range of issues, including polygamy.” — Straits Times

More Information

http://www.4thefamily.us/indonesia_polygamy_ban

http://www.4thefamily.us/rallies_polygamy