Telling kids about polygamy

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FFwife2014
Telling kids about polygamy

My husband and I have met a wonderful woman. She would be the second wife. Our son is 9 years old. How should we explain to him about the new wife. Polygamy is not something either of our families participate in, but it makes sense for us. I really need some advice!

FamilyLife
I actually typed this out

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I actually typed this out once earlier, but I think I only hit "preview", and didn't continue on to press post. Oops.

Anyway, our kids got their initial exposure to the idea by us just watching Sister Wives. We didn't like, sit them down and say "watch this!", but just kind of had it on while they were around. We would often pause (yay Netflix) and have discussions about various aspects of plural life, or what we might do differently, etc. Eventually, we brought up the idea with them one on one. Like with my 7 year old it was in the car coming back from Home Depot's kids project morning.

My 14 year old was a bit reticent at first, not violently against it or anything, but not thrilled. Knowing him like I do I clarified that we probably would not have THAT big of a family, and certainly not anytime soon, and that since he was already a teen it's not like we would expect a wife coming in to suddenly be a second mother to him. He was much more cool with it after that.

My 7 year old on the other had thought it was the best idea since sliced bread. He's very extroverted, and basically hates being alone. he thought having two moms would be awesome.

Anyway, it was a way to show normal life to them before introducing the concept, which I think made it easier to accept.

Pluto8
Pluto8's picture
Jumping the gun

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Do you both know her well in person or just talking online? Has she been to your home and already agreed to be the 2nd? Nothing wrong with a general discussion of the concept with the boy, but no need to potentially stress him out unless it's the real deal. I've lost track of how many people have posted "we found her!" and it never happens..

If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything

Be ye faithful unto death and I will give you a crown of life

FamilyLife
That's good advice. I'd

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That's good advice. I'd second the recommendation of speaking in general terms with children ("What do you think of another mother joining our family?") and not specific terms until things are very solid with her.

Pluto8
Pluto8's picture
also..

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It was mentioned in another thread how talkative children can be.. with CPS a constant threat to any poly family, beware. Personally we believe homeschooling is the only way..

If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything

Be ye faithful unto death and I will give you a crown of life

bpmcgee1228
cps

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Would CPS even dream of taking a child from an otherwise healthy home because it was polygamous??? Surely not.

Isabella
No I don't think so

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Not by the examples of the TV families at least.

They would never want to be financially responsible for the children BUT if you have a vengeful ex husband/wife/other parent. That is when you should worry.

bpmcgee1228
Maybe

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I just don't see where they would, or could. But I do see your point about the vengeful ex. How is it they won't take kids from drug addicts or abusive situations, but we are supposed to live in that fear?