Staying on topic

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4thefam
4thefam's picture
Staying on topic

i have a suggestion.

Something that would make these forums perhaps more easily navigated and useful to newcomers would be a simple rule to keep replies within the topic of the original post. That way, a single thread shows the progression of ideas / debates on a single central topic.

This is in no way limiting, as it is easy enough to start a new topic if someone wishes to reply to something but follow a new path form the original poster. This new path allows the new topic to be as fully discussed as the original one, but both are separate and easily follow able and searchable.

Perhaps a simply stated policy on when to reply and when to create a new topic, would suffice ?

This would go a long way to make these messages more valuable to the public. (in my opinion at least)

Frannie
re: staying on topic

Comment: 

It seems to me, you are trying to assume that its up to you to tell the owners how to runs THIER site, that maybe you would do best to go open your own site and run it the way YOU want it run. Frankly if you do not like the way things are run here, my suggestion is to leave this site.

Here to talk to friends. I am pro-poly, but am not seeking.

DaveandBrenda (not verified)
a suggestion?

Comment: 

I am in no way trying to tell anyone how to run their site. Far be it! Making a "suggestion" is not telling them what to do. Is it? I am asking questions and making suggestions. If they choose to ignore them, so be it. no hard feelings here at all.

Why does the suggestion forum exist is not to make... suggestions?

Dont worry, I am perfectly happy not following topics in the forums :)

Frannie
re: a suggestion

Comment: 

your problem is no matter what the topic or with whom, everyone else is wrong , except you. frankly we are all tired of it.
I am so done with you.

Here to talk to friends. I am pro-poly, but am not seeking.

DaveandBrenda (not verified)
everyone is wrong?

Comment: 

Thats pretty strong language :( I am sorry you feel that way.

I would point out that actually, what you say is not true. There are a number of posts that I agree with,, and that agree with me. It is a "discussion" of differing views. So it would appear that not everyone shares your views.

I would offer, with all due respect, that when two people argue, without reaching agreement, and one points to the other and says "you are unteachable and stubborn" .. they are actually speaking of BOTH of them, perhaps without knowing it.

one person presents his views, another his. sometimes they disagree. Thats how life is. Its ok:)

Unless of course your disagreeing with the notion of someone disagreeing with you? That could be a problem...

babe (not verified)
civility versus blatant pushers

Comment: 

It can be assumed different folks will see things differently.

In the niche of opinions or beliefs that are open to the idea of plural marriage there are still a variety of "pushers" who have specific beliefs of how everyone else should do. If you come across as "pushy", a lot of folks will just find it annoying. There are pros and cons to every approach to discussion, I suppose.

In the LDS culture there are strong negatives for being "pushy", in some respects much as a lot of "lifestyle" practitioners reject pressures from others attempting to promote a specific grand notion of their own "lifestyle".

The frequent use of severe or judgmental arguments is pretty much a turn off, and contrary to the idea that seems to be promoted by the owners of this site. . . . civil discussion.

It's not "OK" in here to be annoying to those who disagree with you. Clue One: the reason organized religions or churches exist is because there are specific beliefs they uphold, along with specific rituals and specific moral codes. This site exists on the principle that plural marriage has wrongly been excluded from other social institutions and outlawed wrongly by a government controlled by people who just want to use government force to have their own values codified. Hence, the need for a place to have civil discussions rather than strong arguments.

DaveandBrenda (not verified)
Strong arguments?

Comment: 

Personally I agree with your post Babe, except for the final point...

Logically, how can you have a strong argument against having strong arguments?

This reminds me of a saying in the anti-christian world : "We simply can not tolerate intolerant christians".

Strong arguments arise from passion, and closely held beliefs. But as you point out... "pushers" are those that clamp down on strong arguments against their own positions, in an attempt to keep anything but their own view evident. Ironically, that in itself becomes just as strong an argument as that which they wish to silence.

Instead, why not let passionate but civil and respectful discussions ensue, absent of personal accusations, name calling, pointless comments with hidden digs, etc. Passion around issues is how we bring out the real issues for consideration. Passion is what life itself thrives on.

I personally see nothing wrong with passion on either side of any fence, as long as it is married to civility, love and acceptance for the individuals, always with the personal acceptance that one day soon we will ALL find where we ourselves have been and are wrong :)

babe (not verified)
the "final" point

Comment: 

was not that you can't make "strong arguments". I like them myself.

If you just say it the way you see it, and leave it to stand there on it's merits who is going to object? Anyone can object for whatever reasons they have. Then you can carry your point forward on the reasons you may have if you like.

I know some people will not agree with me and I consider it their privilege to do so, for as long as they like, for whatever reasons.

If I say, for example, that Frannie may be adverse to doctrinal "fights", or that "management" here seems primarily focused on tolerating diverse views while presenting a lot of basically "Mormon" history or views or practices, you can judge for yourself what their purposes are as well as I can. I was merely saying that Frannie seems to want to keep this site tolerant of more kinds of folks, and that she might be trying to tell you she thinks management here is doing fine "as is". This is not my site, and I have found that as long as I accept others "as is" I can be friendly with a lot of people.

If you really want to stand up and teach the truth you feel so strongly about, it's really not a bad idea to start your own site. Then you can set the boundaries and make the rules, and maybe some other people will like your way more.

So anyway, I've found that I can make my "strong" points and just let them stand on their reasons without calling anyone else "out of bounds".

For example, I hold the view that there are some fundamental differences between strictly religious folks who look to the Bible and may think of polygamy as somehow a command of God or in the line of serving God, and others who simply see it as a choice, a lifestyle, with some particular advantages. I don't think even a monogamous marriage is very well-founded unless the married people are including God in their family, so whoever I talk to has a choice, whether they just like to talk and exchange notes in here with all kinds of people. . . . or whether they might agree with my emphasis.

I could probably go out and "attack" a lot of people who don't see it my way, but I figure nobody is listening unless they ask me to explain it. . . . .

meanwhile, it is a lot of work and expense to maintain a site like this, and I'm just grateful someone is doing it.

Sage
Thank you

Comment: 

I think you pretty well got what we are striving to obtain here. We could have started a strickly Mormon Fundamentalist site but chose not to.

I can't change my background, nor what I had in the archives when this was put together some ten years ago so that is what it is.

We strongly appreciate tolerance, invite all and as it states on the front page
"We welcome all to join in civil dialog, exchange of ideas, and friendship in regards to the positive support and advancement of polygamy / polygyny"

Sage
Reposting this

Comment: 

Hi All -

Plural marriage is a complex subject - very. People are coming at it from a variety of beliefs, or in some cases no belief at all, and we welcome all.

The forums were set up to allow long conversations and input. Most news stories are short, just one message in the thread. That is fine too.

The whole site is searchable. If many different topics end up in a post it does not hurt the fact the information is there. Conversations evolve, and in some cases devolve. If we can remain respectful of one another there is much room for lively conversation and good information being disseminated.

As it says on our mission statement "We welcome all to join in civil dialog, exchange of ideas, and friendship in regards to the positive support and advancement of polygamy / polygyny."

Forum topics are general guidelines. I find the conversation threads the best to read and less stifled

DaveandBrenda (not verified)
Searching the site?

Comment: 

Perhaps I am being blind here.. but I cant seem to find a way to "search" the site or forums for particular keywords or topics? Can you direct me to that ability?

Frannie
keyword

Comment: 

this site does not have a search engine attached to it, so you can not find certain forums, ( topics ) by typing in certain words.

Here to talk to friends. I am pro-poly, but am not seeking.

DaveandBrenda (not verified)
Re: searching

Comment: 

Oh... I must be confused then. What did Sage mean by "the entire site is searchable" ?

Frannie
re,re:searching

Comment: 

she just means that you can read everything that's on the site and that for instance, recipes would be under recipes, and other topics on the site under forums, would be under certain headings, like poly links would be under poly forums, and poly links, also there are downloadable, poly things under poly information, it all depends on what you are searching for.

Here to talk to friends. I am pro-poly, but am not seeking.

Sage
Site Search

Comment: 

Go Here:
http://www.4thefamily.us/polygamy

in search on the right side type something in make sure the 4thefamily.us button is checked. I just did as search on the the following as i was researching earlier
David Udall

WahLah :)

DaveandBrenda (not verified)
VERY nice!

Comment: 

Very nice! So it IS searchable :)

just as a suggestion, perhaps that button could be on the main page so newcomers and even the regulars know about it?

Really cool feature!