As a man what's the proper way to approach the subject with a woman whose interested?

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Will2Win's picture
As a man what's the proper way to approach the subject with a woman whose interested?

For example sometimes during my work, smart, pretty, and funny women approach me clearly interested in me. They'll flirt and ill flirt back.

However I always get caught up in the moment where i start getting the feeling that I should probably tell her I'm married. I'm too honest to lead a woman on then pull the rug with the polygamy topic and women too often have visible emotional responses to the topic. Scary sometimes. I can almost hear their electrical hardwirings misfiring in their brains

We have been searching for a 3rd but with little luck because my wife is shy with the topic and im tired of the aggressive responses. I've been called a pimp and a manipulator lol

Maybe it's my approach? Im sure there's many more seasoned men and maybe even some women that can give me advice.

New to all of this



I hold the same question. The way I look at it is this. Firstly what is my wife comfortable with? If she is happy to be kept in the loop then take her advice. Secondly, you will never sell a new car if you concentrate on the price and not what the car has to offer. The heart has to be involved. Do you wear a wedding ring if so that says it all without saying a word. If a woman is still willing to flirt with you when you wear a ring then it is she that has opened the door. Could it be that a relationship within friendship needs to be established first and once frienship is there, then before it becomes deeply romantic, then approach the subject. If she is still interested good, if not, if the friendship is solid you will still have a friend. After all our wife should be our friend should she not. This way the woman involved understands that you won't cheat but are willing to be open with her and offer her real commitment, just as you have done with your wife. Such an approach takes time. However it takes time to grow anthing worthwhile does it not.

Thats how I see it but what would I know as I am just like you and have asked the same question many times

I wish we could give you good


I wish we could give you good advice, but my husband found his plural wives on here. So he already knew we were open to the idea.

As a woman, I think it would help to have your wife be a part of the explanation. So after you have grown your friendship with a new woman to a certain point, you could introduce her to your wife and have her help you explain what your intentions are.

Will2Win's picture
Thanks for the advice


I agree a friendship must be established at some level in order to have comfort to bring up the topic

I think the issue comes from where I live. I'm in NJ not a lot of polygamous women around here

My wife needs to be the one doing the searching me thinks lol

Valar Morghulis

Sassy Philly gal and Caribbean manly man married 5 years looking for a 3rd. NJ, PA, NY

noblequest's picture
Going to agree with...


What Lili said about your wife needing to be a very integral part of the search and early conversation. We men can be seen as predators who are trying just to get our leg over and if you are searching for a wife then you do not wish to send a signal that a woman may misinterpret simply because she is used to men trying to con her into bed. What you said about needing to be friends first I would not only agree with but expand upon. Your wife and future wives to my mind should be your very best friends. A marriage built on a foundation of friendship can not be beat.

Good luck in your search.

Morality is your agreement with yourself to abide by your own rules - RAH