Courting: Does it exist?

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Anonymous (not verified)
Courting: Does it exist?

In 2012, the word courting doesn't seem to exist. I remember when online dating sites were for people who were too busy to meet someone at the clubs, and you could find intelligent, hardworking, and great people online. I have to admit, 10 years ago, I have met some amazing people and made great friends. I still know these people today. However, now, the online life is full of sex depraved, married people, who have no respect for the values and integrity of relationships. Relationships take time and it is important to let things flow and not push with agendas. At least that is what I think. Times, have truly changed. So thinking that anyone would know a thing about courting is disappointing. Resources: The Boomer's Guide to Online Dating Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship Courting a Woman's Soul

Gas
Hold on in there Misa ...

Comment: 

In my world courting and courtship does still exist, my current wife and I met on line while I was in Scotland and she in Canada all be it 10 years ago. Times may have changed but I have not. My method of courtship here at this site and others like it is one of observation and patience. I like to get to know the others through chat and e-mail then eventually voice or video chat. Only one prospective made it through to the video chat and alas that didn't work out more because she seemed to be in a rush and failed to want to get to know my wife.

I have not had the experiences you are going through Misa but I feel I have to defend myself here and no doubt a few others I have talked to. I believe there are more honest couples out there who are looking for the right reasons for their sistersoulmate and not a living breathing extension to their sextoy collection.

I admit there will be an increase in those who are but it's our task to dig through them and unearth those that truly deserve our love and respect.

Work is Love made visible...

And all work is empty save when there is love...
And what is it to work with love?
It is to weave the cloth with threads drawn from your heart, even as if your beloved were to wear that cloth.

"Work is Love made visible...

And all work is empty save when there is love...
And what is it to work with love?
It is to weave the cloth with threads drawn from your heart, even as if your beloved were to wear that cloth.
It is to build a house w

chitzngiggles (not verified)
Thank you for that GAS...

Comment: 

When My wife and I met we courted for a while before we decided to start a new life and family... ;} We knew shortly after we got together we would be seeking multiple for our life together and to grow a great family with the values a great family should have.

My wife recently met a woman here that we chatted with for a lil over 2 weeks. How’s that for a short courtship ;{ My bad...

We got soooo excited cause the person on the other end of the phone felt like the one! Almost immediately! I know we all felt a friendship connection and I felt a love connection from all we talked about. Many things in common and almost everything we talked about made me feel she was all-in. I even asked her not to change when we meet ;}

Unfortunately the past can haunt a relationship that grows at light speed... Fears become a reflection of what others have done in the past and don't want to go thru again... I understand that...

I am the guilty one ;{ I was honest and told of a long past drinking issue... "recovering alcoholic" was how I put it I think... and well... I would hit the breaks on that one too having dealt with that in my past... myself and with another that drank alot too...

But it was over 10 years ago... And I was never out of control of myself... Just the drinking... was like smokin cigarettes... stress needed more... Do I drink now? Yup... but 6 beers a week and having a few shots every now and again when out with friends isn't an issue! I don't need it or even want it... as at my age and my position... I have no time for it... I guess I can actually say... "Recovered"... but that doesn't soften the blow either ;{

I didn't even get a chance to talk... just cut off... no contact... boot from Yahoo IM... and today... is her day... Happy Birthday ;} Hope you are feeling great today!

I own my decisions and my past. My wife is as confused as I am but what are we to do? Move on? I don’t want to! ;{

Well... We are thinking maybe the internet is not the place to find a "wife"... a good time maybe... but not a wife... I really hope I am wrong!

There is the new question to post... "How long should you court an "Internet Love" before talking about or taking the next step?"

I just wish we would start talking again... After years of searching... We felt she really was the one for both of us and our family;} We even agreed to close the 1000 mile gap and buy or rent a house... in her area... That’s how strongly we felt. You were "all-in" and what happened? I think the fast pace scared you more than the past. If I am wrong then... really?!?

So again Thank You GAS for defending us that prefer to court and well... keep on courting my friend... even after many years and years together. ;}

Our experience here shows us all why Misa put up that question... Moral of the story... online... over the phone and in person relationships should court for 3 to 6 months... then decide if you need another 3 to 6 months or is the timing is right?...to take the next step...?

Take your time n get to know everything about the person you are courting... over time when you find out things that scare you... the longer the courtship... the less of a sting past things have because you understand that person ALOT better.

Thanks

Brian ~n~ Sheri

P.S. Please call ;} Things are not like you are fearing ;} I Promise!

P.P.S. I guess I poured my heart out... and a few tears... on and off topic... oops lol ;}

P.P.S. We found out "AFTER" WE LENT HER $$$ to turn the lights back on... almost 48hrs to the minute after... she changed her number... killed her facebook... and after doing research... she has multiple aliases and well... next time we will do research up front... be careful!!!

Gas
Honesty is never wrong ..

Comment: 

Hey Brian and Sheri

I read your comment with great interest and would like to say one or two things. First of all you telling you're prospective of you're alcoholic past was NOT a mistake at all, topics like that have to be discussed openly well before you all agree to meet or at least before you move in together. It sounds like that this lady was only after some of your money to dig her out of some hole financially. Unfortunately there are more than a few scammers out there, my wife and I have had to deal with several, right at the outset of this journey we decided that we would not be sending anyone that kind of help .... after all thats the wrong footing to set a new relationship up on.

In some ways you are agreeing with Misa by questioning the use of the internet in finding a sistersoulmate, I agree with both of you in some regards that there are dangers, however there are dangers in any meeting place .. meetings at a bar, store, dance, family wedding you name the venue and someone will tell you a story of how that relationship turned sour. The internet is only a new tool or venue to meet people and one where we all have to use carefully.
Excitement in finding that perfect one is natural but we all have to hold back that excitement a little and while during that (as you suggest) courtship, do a little research on your prospective. A little detective work goes a long way ... the internet holds the key to finding out things about people if used carefully. Anyone researching my real name will find poems and letters I have written .. artwork by myself and my dad. From the time I started using the internet I have used my openness and honesty always, but at the same time used it (the net) very warily as I know there are some who don't.

I feel that Misa wrote her comment in a fit of frustration after talking to several members here and at other sites who all have left her jaded and I don't blame her. I have experienced first hand what some couples are asking for through reading comments in the chat rooms ... my main reason for commenting the first time was to ask her not to give up on her search. From our short conversations we have had she sounds a very lovely girl and deserves to find a loving family that would cherish her.

Gas (Merv)

Work is Love made visible...

And all work is empty save when there is love...
And what is it to work with love?
It is to weave the cloth with threads drawn from your heart
even as if your beloved were to wear that cloth.

"Work is Love made visible...

And all work is empty save when there is love...
And what is it to work with love?
It is to weave the cloth with threads drawn from your heart, even as if your beloved were to wear that cloth.
It is to build a house w

misabelah (not verified)
Appreciated All Comments

Comment: 

Thank you all for sharing your comments. I actually posted this for the conversation I saw here. I do feel courting is long gone...not just here but any online dating sites period.

I believe in courtship and I believe relationships are work. However one has to begin with respect from both men and women.

I enjoyed all of your comments!

“Never take a person's dignity: it is worth everything to them, and nothing to you.” ~Frank Barron

Pluto8
Pluto8's picture
Let us know that "online

Comment: 

Let us know that "online courtship" thing works out.. (hears crickets chirping)

If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything

Psalm 144:1  Blessed be Yahweh my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight

chitzngiggles (not verified)
Well... there is good news in the wind...

Comment: 

She called and said HI ;}... The phone broke n couldn't call... however... the past seems to be too much for her... what to do... what to do... TY for the support ;}

Brian

Frannie
have seen this before,, "players"

Comment: 

Brian, please be careful. I have seen this happen before a couple times and in the end after months of excuses the families were played BIG time. The woman, involved kept making more and more excuses of why she could not call ( phone broke or turned off ) or not be able to talk on computer ( puter broke then power was shut off ). Oh yes lets not forget the I was in hospital and had surgery, now they say I have cancer and will not live long. These poor families I knew were just kept being told excuses. Oh yes the lady involved asked for money too. Pleasee take my advice for what its worth, stop talking to her, the sooner the better. I would hate to see you keep being played.
Frannie

Here to talk to friends. I am pro-poly, but am not seeking.

David
Don't send people money.

Comment: 

This has happened multiple times on this site and I am blown away each time. Why would you send someone you don't know money? That should be the only red flag you need to stop talking to someone. It is so easy to setup fake profiles on facebook and this site. If anyone asks for money, report it to myself or another site admin.

- David

chitzngiggles (not verified)
I know... I know...

Comment: 

David... you are right... however we spent countless hours online and on the phone chatting. I felt I knew the person on the other end well enough... I made a mistake. This could be the one rare case where it all works out in the end ;}

She called... lost her phone... I over reacted... I still stand behind my posts and thank you for looking out for us ;}

Here is hoping everyone has a positive experience... cause the roller coaster experience stinks! lol

Brian ~n~ Sheri

cynmi
Courting

Comment: 

Well Said Gas - Love and marriage is a marathon not a sprint and courtship is the warm ups.
C

FarmLife08 (not verified)
Golly Gosh

Comment: 

Hey.....I sure do hope that courting still exists.....especially online! My husband and I live in rural Australia and are seeking a second wife. I honestly don't believe we will find one in our local community....which leaves only the internet. And we have NO intention of just 'dragging' someone into our home and our family without haveing to got to know them VERY well before hand!
Sam

thalia2 (not verified)
Courtship is experiencing

Comment: 

Courtship is experiencing the blessing of God by loving the Lord Jesus Christ and honoring both sets of parents. The purpose of courtship is to determine a couple’s readiness for marriage and to discern the will of God for a covenant marriage that will benefit the world.
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