Journalists Talks of Shooting Documentary at Malaysias Polygamy Club
http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/index.php/opinion/zan-azlee/52898-the...
The time I shot a documentary about polygamy
FEB 12 — Recently, I’ve been busy running around shooting a short documentary about polygamy for a Dutch television station. It came about when I discovered an article about the Ikhwan Polygamy Club, started by the family of Ashaari Muhammad (AKA Abuya), the former leader of the so-called cult Al-Arqam. I found it interesting and since they are based in Malaysia, I immediately pitched it to the Dutch producers and they agreed to commission it.
I don’t really have any strong thoughts on polygamy. All I do know is that Islam allows it, men who do practice it need to be fair and equal to their wives, and they also need to have the financial and emotional capabilities to support the wives and families. My friends, however, have their own opinions.
“That is sick!”
“Men are such perverts!”
“It’s impossible to be fair.”
“Pity the first wife!”
“I’ll chop off your ****!”
That last quote was by my wife! But jokes aside, although polygamy is something that is allowed in Islam, and even though Malaysia is predominantly Muslim, it is still seen as unnatural. I’m sure many of us know someone who has two wives or is a second or first wife. But the fact is, majority of the public still can’t accept it.
The club’s main objective is to promote polygamy and to counsel wives who have polygamous husbands. I called them up and was pleasantly surprise that they agreed to allow me to shoot the documentary. Dr Rohaya Mohamad, the third wife of Abuya’s son, Mohamad Ikram Ashaari, and the spokesperson of the club, invited me to their house to meet the family.
When I got there, the happy family was just that. They seemed happy and were celebrating the fact that everyone was together (except for a couple of children who were in boarding school, and one wife who was away on work) which can be quite a feat to achieve. The wives were chatting and laughing while the kids were running about playing and eating cake. It all looked very merry.
The argument that they give in support of polygamy is that it helps to prevent sinful activities such as adultery and prostitution. Tiger Woods is their number one case study to prove their cause. Another pro-factor is the fact that the family becomes self-sufficient.
“If we need legal advice, we go to the second wife because she’s a lawyer. If we need medical consultation, they come to me as the doctor. The kids religious studies are taken care by the fourth wife because she’s a lecturer and whenever we’re all too busy, the first wife takes care of the kids. We’re all like sisters,” explains Dr Rohaya.
“Some people take the ‘being fair’ part to literally. It doesn’t mean that if you give your first wife RM50, the second wife must get RM50 too. You have to consider their need for it as well. What if the first wife has 5 children and the second only has one? But don’t ask me what is fair. Ask them,” Mohamad Ikram says, pointing to his smiling wives.
A couple of days later, Dr Rohaya invited me to sit in during one of her counseling sessions. She even got permission from the patients for me to film them for the documentary.
The counseling session took place in a shop house which was really very comfortable and decorated like a nice bedroom cum living room. Apparently it is one of the places Abuya stays when he is in town. According to Dr Rohaya, the comfortable setting allows the patients to be more relaxed.
The two patients who came for the session were disgruntled wives. The first was a 53 year old first wife who complained that her husband spent more time with his second wife who is younger. The other was a 36 year old second wife who couldn’t help but feel jealous of her husband’s first wife.
Dr Rohaya, as the counselor, focused a lot on how as wives, they needed to have patience and submit themselves fully to God. She tells them that if their husbands aren’t around, they have the opportunity to get closer to God. And, at least they won’t have to face the stress and headache of entertaining their husbands 24/7.
“It seems like everything falls on the women to just deal with it,” says the 53 year old first wife.
“We need to control our desires. God will love us more if we can control and be more patient. And we have our husbands to thank for giving us this opportunity,” responds Dr Rohaya.
“I can see the reasoning. I’m a working professional and don’t have a lot of free time. With polygamy, at least my responsibility towards my husband is lightened,” says the 36 year old second wife.
After the counseling session was over and I had done the necessary shooting and interviews, Dr Rohaya invited me to have tea with her.
“So Zan. Did you tell your wife about this documentary you’re shooting? Is she scared?” she asked.
I just smiled. After just seven months being married, I’ve sprouted more white hair than the whole of my 31 years alive! I don’t think I can handle more than one wife. I guess I’m more scared of polygamy than she is!
* The views expressed here are the personal opinion of the columnist.