Her only objection is religion

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Makinguswhole
Her only objection is religion

My boyfriend has been trying to bring up poly and his desires to his wife. His wife objects to polygamy because of their church. Both my boyfriend and his wife go to church, I'm not sure which specific type, but they follow the rules of the church. Women wear long skirts and such. I am not religious but that isn't the issue.

My boyfriend is trying to find ways to talk with his wife about polygamy and show her it is not against God. He has used scriptures and other writings so show her. Can anyone provide additional advice on showing her that God will not condemn her for polygamy?

She isn't against her husband being with other women. She told him he could have a weekend with no questions asked, but that is not what him or I want. We want to be able to have a whole family. We both have kids and our kids know each other. His wife knows me, she just doesn't know how long we have been dating.

So any additional advice on how she can see it in God's words would be helpful. Please do not condemn me for seeing him in secret or for him cheating. We know what we did, we accepted it and we want to make things right now.

Thanks
M

Pluto8
Pluto8's picture
Easy

Comment: 

To prove polygyny is biblical. I'm betting that is just her excuse to keep things as they are, as this is a feminine trait. If her church teaches against it, they are in grave error. Here you go

http://www.biblicalpolygamy.com/

 

Psalm 144:1  Blessed be Yahweh my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight

Makinguswhole
Thank you

Comment: 

I passed the link on. I hope it helps him.

Garrison
really?

Comment: 

We all use symbolic arguments one way or another.  And a "church" or religion is usually a huge symbolic conglomeration of signals or professions, it's easy to say, and disposes of the issues quickly.

I'd think trust is a major issue in most marriages, unless it's just considered that sexual fidelity is . . . well. . . unreasonable.   So in this case, the 'church" argument is not about the sacred union requiring fidelity, but about the outside cultural or legal sanction and recognition of the marriage.

I don't think someone coming at it from that perspective is gonna care what the Bible says. . . .

So, maybe, just a suggestion here considering what I'm thinking does matter to her, you ought to just open up and start talking a bit about the facts, and acknowledge that it might be some time before such an extended family might be openly accepted in the community, but offer her a more private arrangement of understanding and general friendship and family sorts of cooperation. . . . emphasizing that you respect her as the legal or chuch-sanctioned wife.

I really don't know it that would work, it might just blow things up somehow.  Maybe it would be best if hubby just acknowledged her concerns and informed her that you both understand and respect her.  Really respect her.

like willing to die fighting for her honor kind of respect her.

 

Garrison

Makinguswhole
It is the church

Comment: 

Prior to my bf and his wife joining the church, they were seemly adventurous. She knew he had a play thing and was OK with it because it was just for fun. My bf broke up with that girl when she got serious with her current boyfriend. A year or so later they joined the church. So her objection now is how her church will see her and how the Bible is interpreted to them.

Luther
Luther's picture
Polygyny is an existential certainty.

Comment: 

Polygyny is an existential certainty. 

It can be shown through the very nature of elements, but I'll only write more on this if people say they want me to; otherwise, I won't, as it's time-consuming.

Luther Primrose

Lonestar3
Lonestar3's picture
Set up for anguish IMO

Comment: 

Have you not been committing adultery and now trying to change the relationship to polygyny? I would take issue with that if I was a monogamous woman that entered into a mono marriage. I'm not trying to sound judgy by no means. Because lord knows I have made a plethora of bad decisions. But I have never or would never talk with another woman's husband without the blessing and consensual agreement to have a polygynous life.

Texas girl

Lili
It sounds to me like her

Comment: 

It sounds to me like her religion is not her only objection.

There is a world of difference between a weekend with no questions asked and a lifetime spent sharing your man with another woman and her children. Hell, even allowing your husband to keep a girlfriend is way different from polygamy. There is also a world of difference between a polygamous lifestyle started by a consenting husband and wife and a polygamous lifestyle started by a cheating husband and his girlfriend.

It's really nice that y'all want to set things straight and live honestly with each other and with her. I understand it's a lot better than the typical formula that involves the husband leaving his first wife. But you have still got a tough battle coming your way. Plural marriage is hard enough when everybody is on the same page. She may not be willing, and even if she is, she is probably going to have a lot of feelings of mistrust for both of you. That's not good in a lifestyle where honesty and trust are your number one assets and lifesavers when things are tough.

Makinguswhole
Long time update

Comment: 

It's been a very long time but our relationship ended. His wife couldn't deal with it and I was seeing him all of an hour and week and raising a newborn. Discussions were had and he decided to leave his wife. Then he didn't. Then he said he would leave her for me and he didn't. A year later and I told him I was done. I can't love a weak man. I have 2 kids to devote my time and energy to. Sadly he just gives minimal financial support and currently he asked me not to text because he is on a family vacation.

Flutterbug
Betrayal

Comment: 

I just read this. I know for a Fact that if this was Me in the Wife's Shoes I Would have been Devastated. Even His own Wife Was Okay for him to go off for 1 Wknd not a Life time or Any Actual Relationship. And Who knows if he even told you the Total Truth of What him and his Wife Talked about in The Privacy of There Marriage.
Esp. Beings that (The way I read it) that Her and HER husband Did not Marry each other With any thoughts of a Poly Lifestyle . And that He Actually Cheated on her with you. After Your Afair Started already ( Only you knew of the whole situation not The First wife ) so you were not the one that was being kept in the Dark ! Put your self in her shoes !
If this Guy was truly worth this then don't you think he would have said wait hold on I am Married I need to have some Time to Visit with my Wife to see what she is feeling and Show her why I (He) is Believing in (as in Polylife)
The way that you shared , WHY would Any Female Even want a Man that cannot even Have respect enough to have Talked with his Wife Before you Were even in the Shadowed Picture ? Do you really believe it wouldn't happen to you ? You watched it happen to Her ! While she did not even know that He Did not want a Monogamous Relationship But a Poly lifestyle and you knew he was a married Monogamous ! He needed to already be ready in his First Marriage And Open with his Own Wife First before starting the Affair. As it seems that he wasn't respectful to you either as it appears he Kept you As An Affair only . The Major difference is that You knew about the Whole Situation you had a Choice and you could have chosen to wait until after either he visited with HIS wife First , or if you visited with her . It reminds me of Something I have also read and many times have felt certain Situations applies in this I believe it does.
" Oh What a Tangled web we weave when First trying to deceive"
Poly Lifestyle is NOT About Being Deceiving ! Or trying some back way into the Lifestyle.
I agree with NicoleplusLuv
I am praying as well that There Marriage is Saved and whether or not They Ever Decide to live the Poly Lifestyle. I pray that They are Both Open and Honest with each other. And No Deceit Is In the Marriage or Possible Future Marriages that Start with There Openness with each other. I suppose that would Actually leave you out of the picture.
Once that Trust is Broken in the way you explained happened Then They Have alot more to work on to Beable to get the trust back together before proceeding on possibly in this lifestyle not with A Female on The Side in the Shadows as it is Even Disrespectful for the "Other" Female as well As Him being the Same to his Actual Wife and then It shows that he Is a Deceiver and a Lier as you have found the Hard way. Poly is not about Lies and Manipulations .
That is something completely diff. Then What The True Poly Lifestyle is for 99.9% Of Family's that Live this way Would Never have even Consider it the way you have described .
I did not respond to Be Harsh or to waste my Time . I responded because I am Actually Disappointed in this OP. Thinking that this was in any way okay and actually Thought to post this on a Poly site in the First place. As this OP probably Should have wrote her Troubles On a Site more fitting to actually help her. Like a Sight that could be called "Being the Other Women" or Some Such thing . As you may get alot more Honest help figuring out what you have been thru. As well .

Cutelisa200078
Reply to M

Comment: 

Well, first of all. I totally understand what you all are going through. Been in a similar situation both my husband and I. We too want to bring in a second or third wife to our marriage but right now we are frequent church goers and that we are somewhat religious people. But if it says so in the bible that you can have more than one wife or husband then it shouldn't be a problem for you guys. We also have children too but they don't know too much about this lifestyle. I guess you should pray about the situation and find another religion that will accept your union of this particular lifestyle. We are in the same boat her. I have always been afraid of what others will say or do if they found out because techniqally it its not legal in our state. but some states however it is. I would defiantely start watching on tv the new reality tv show "Seeking Sister Wife" and "Sister Wives", and then go from there. We wish you all the best. Take Care & God Bless you. 

Apostle
No where does the Bible say

Comment: 

You can have more than one husband. The Bible allows a man to have more than one wife but that's it. Polyandry is not biblical. Neither is husband and wife swapping biblical.

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Gandhi

Apostle
Polygamy is illegal

Comment: 

In all 50 states. I don't know why people think it's legal some places. I have people all the time at work tell me how legal it is in Utah but it's illegal in Oregon and Washington. Or people that say it is legal in this state or that state or the truth of the matter is it is illegal everywhere in this country.

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Gandhi

Flutterbug
The Art

Comment: 

The Art of Religion Shopping .
To find what ever it is that might maybe support your own Agendas ! Not what the Spirit tells you. But what You only have the Desire to want and live any way you want to.
I am not saying that One Religion is meant for everyone to live we each have a Path that we are meant to be on. ( My Personal belief)
No matter tho. What your Searching for a Religion as specified above by another poster.
Or a Faith Lived life with out a "Religion"
But a Spiritual one with or with out a Religion.
And a Polygamy Life is NOT About Swingers all or 2 Married couples swaping wives or Even Two "men" being together . That makes me truly sick to my Stomach.
This is A Pro Poly site . Not A Pro what ever floats your boat Sexually and Faithless Marriages or even Cheating Spouses.
Poly for 99.9% of people do understand the Difference.
I really think you both are seeking a Different type of Site ?
One that will support or bend to your "Issue's" as they have Zero to do with Being a Family at all. They are Speaking of Sex. Period.