Question on how it works

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ASK7787
Question on how it works

My husband and I have been with a woman for about a month now....things have been good, but he thinks she is more into me than she is him. She says she loves both of us deeply and is already moving in. But, when her and I have our alone time, my husband can't handle it and almost gets jealous. So, I guess my question is, has this happend to anyone else? I believe she loves us both, in our own ways. But, how do I make her give my husband more attention than just me? I don't want any tension between any of us.

Apostle
You can't

Comment: 

Sounds doomed already

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Gandhi

Pluto8
Pluto8's picture
Ignore our resident hater

Comment: 

Try doing active things together, have fun and enjoy life, see where it goes

Psalm 144:1  Blessed be Yahweh my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight

Apostle
The question was

Comment: 

How do I make her give my husband more attention. Your answer was as if she asked how do I make her pay more attention to us. Jealousy destroys and dooms things. Maybe you need to re-read the post? For someone that has never lived polygamy you sure are free with advice on how to make it work. Since you probably never will live it perhaps you should stick to what you know best?

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Gandhi

Lili
You can encourage their time

Comment: 

You can encourage their time together. Maybe establish a schedule for nights and dates as couples and as a group.

It sounds like your problem is your husband's jealousy. It is human and natural to experience, especially when you're beginning to integrate your lives, but it can't be encouraged in a poly relationship. What would he prefer, that she love him more than you? That she love you both the same? It isn't realistic. You're people with your own experiences, emotions, and personalities, so you're going to mesh with each other in unique ways. It is something to get over.

I definitely get jealous when my guy is having his time with another wife. On a bad day, I convince myself that he would rather be alone with her than be alone with me. I just have to work through it because ultimately I know he loves me and has a preference for me in some ways, just as he has a preference for the other wife in some ways. Nobody is favorite; we are different.

Pluto8
Pluto8's picture
A guy who

Comment: 

lost his first wife in a totally failed attempt at poly life shouldn't be giving advice to anyone here, much less a guy who is still with his HS sweetheart 

Psalm 144:1  Blessed be Yahweh my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight

Apostle
Actually you are a liar

Comment: 

I still have my first wife. Before you go running around repeating gossip you should get your facts straight. You don't know what happened with my marriage to my second wife. Not a soul on here does. What did Yahweh say about liars and gossips. Stop being jealous of me. You are hilarious and your profile cracks me up. Now run along little boy. LOL

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Gandhi

Pluto8
Pluto8's picture
I was here and saw it all, many years ago

Comment: 

And you are the liar. You are with a Korean girl you took at age 19 and imported her, your first (white) wife ran away, likely because you preferred a 19 year old tight body to hers. In the old days you would have to meet me at High Noon for calling me a liar, but these days you get to hide behind a computer

Psalm 144:1  Blessed be Yahweh my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight

Apostle
My Korean wife

Comment: 

Is my first and current wife moron. She was already living here. Thanks for proving what a liar you are. I thought you were banned years ago Stephen?

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Gandhi

Apostle
Pluto

Comment: 

You are a liar. I didn't import my wife from anywhere. She lived in Missouri. I was a single man living in the state of Washington. My wife was a college student in Iowa when I met her. We were married for over a year in fact almost 2 years when we got a sister wife. It's none of your business why my second wife left or for that matter why she came here from Germany to be part of this family. But a liar like you doesn't care about truth. You twist the truth like the snake you are. You feel the need to lie because you are a failure. You love to give advice on matters you know nothing about but you tear apart people like Isabella when she gives a woman's point of view. Your lies don't change truth.

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Gandhi

Flutterbug
.

Comment: 

Unfortunately , There are 2 " Men" I say men VERY Loosely . On EVERY SINGLE POST !
One had not yet Comment On this ( SHOCKING )
And the Other "Pluto8"
All I have Read and Any thing I have TRIED to Post on " He" Loves and Lives And NEEDS TO Create a Hostile environment !
As Clearly Seen on this site . It is 100% Crazy that Some one doesn't Ban him off of here.
Esp after making Direct "Threats " like he did me ! In the open . And Since that Couple times I have opted to Unfortunately Visit with other's that started on this sight now off of this site.
As MANY Other's have Privately Shared with me Off Site . That Pulto8 And Another I am not Mentioning YET . But has not posted on this exact One ( AMAZINGLY).
That These 2 Supposed men Have Been Aloud to Continue With there HATE FILLED Posts that Typically have NOTHING TO DO With the Original posters Questions or Thoughts At all.
And Apparently has been Aloud for a Very Long time here. These are the People Who Love to Cause Upset and Persuade other's to ( He May believe ) to NOT ever look into The Poly life any longer. It does not work that way ! It makes us Not want to Visit with these Sp. People and Just Find another Site. And or "Stay here "
And Go Else were to listen and Visit with Good People NOT HERE IN THE OPEN ...
It is SAD That it is Allowed to happen at all.
As People That are in or have been in The Poly life We get this All the Time if we Seek out Other's that are TRULY LIKE MINDED In this Area of our Lives ( So like minded others )
Then There is Soo Much we all can learn from each other ! Period. Eventually ( I hope not but )
The Only Good people going to be left on this site are the One's that Are Trying to Moderate and or the Owner's May be a Few that this was there HOME site from before pluto8. And 1 Other I have no dought will be posting as soon as I am done. So basically If Anyone knows of another place on line that this Pluto8 Does NOT go to. PLEASE Send me a Quick message.
I am a Member of another Site but Trying to find a different one With Regular people !
And No one is Alloud to Threaten or is HATEFUL ??
Obviously Pluto8
I AM NOT ASKING YOU HA !

Pluto8
Pluto8's picture
Flutter

Comment: 

I'm not posting this to you but so that others hear the truth. My first comment was directed to the OP to support them and you have nothing to do with it, but you stuck your proboscis in here, anyway. Apostle is an open and vocal hater of the concept that wives can join the husband, together sexually. What I believe about that isn't important, but this jerk drops into every such thread, trying to intimidate other members here. What I said about his history  is true, I was here and watched it all. You, apparently have ZERO to offer, only interloping, loonie rambling posts. Have a nice day

Psalm 144:1  Blessed be Yahweh my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight

Apostle
Since you know nothing about

Comment: 

Living polygamy except maybe the concept how do you suppose you can offer support? If the husband is jealous of the wives spending time together then it won't work for them. Stop being blinded by your hatred and inadequate abilities that cause you to lash out. You attack anyone that won't agree with you. And the bible not me condemns bisexuality between the wives. But I have not even spoken of that in any of the threads lately.

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Gandhi

Joleneakamama
Joleneakamama's picture
Where in the Bible?

Comment: 

Chapter and verse to back up the claim would certainly be appropriate.

The old testament says nothing about what women in a polygynous marriage can, or cannot do. Jesus only added one commandment, that we love one another, like He loved us.

Paul would not have been adding to scripture, he knew better, so whatever he was referencing in Romans, that when the men do likewise deserves DEATH, had nothing to do with the private activities of WIVES in a poly marriage.
The book of Al is not in the cannon.

The Bible does say that the man was made for God, and the woman was made for the man. That is a strong enough indictment on lesbians, who are not under any man's authority. We don't need to twist, add to, or misapply scripture.

A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes~

Apostle
Try reading romans

Comment: 

Old and new testament make it plain. But like I told you before look it up yourself. Not having this debate again. This has been going on for years. If you want to have sexual relationships with a woman knock yourself out. But don't try to lie and say God is ok with it. I am not here to debate or do the work of providing the scriptures. I know it's an abomination but people answer to God not me. If you want me to provide the scriptures for you then pay me to be your pastor.

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Gandhi

Joleneakamama
Joleneakamama's picture
Romans cannot add to scripture

Comment: 

And nowhere does Romans say what you claim. You call me a liar, but refuse to provide chapter and verse???

Attacking the messenger instead of the message is cowardly at best.

Romans has to be about unnatural sex between a man and his wife, because nowhere is her leaving her husband mentioned, and there is no mention of another woman, AND women don't have the ability to have unnatural, non procreative sex with each other, which is what the old testament says men do "likewise" which IS a capital offense.

I have never had ANY interest in sexual relationships with women, but I do love the truth, and it is God that defines sin, and truth, NOT man.

You are no different then an anti poly person trying to push your will onto others, if you do not have scripture to stand on.

A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes~

Apostle
I never called you a liar

Comment: 

Obviously you haven't read romans. Like I said I have provided chapter and verse in the past. Not going to provide again and not going to debate it either.

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Gandhi

Flutterbug
Pluto8

Comment: 

Apparently I will NOT Put Anything On this Site that has Really any personal information about my Self do to people Such as your self !
So you can just sit behind your PC and Twist and Twirl to your Hearts content ! I will personally Never Argue over Any Scripture so no sorry NOT !
So you just continue on being PROUD Of your little ole LONELY Self ! GOD Already knows each of us ! And already knows your Thoughts before you Speak them . So all You Obviously want to do is Have a "Target" Even IF I ever truly agreed with you ( Still NOT Speaking Of Scripture) You would Just Continue to Twist and Twirl like a Flying Squirrel !
As you are the Only "Person" on this Site that has Spent this Much Time Thinking and Writting to me ! You must Truly Like me ! :-) HA HA
As to what I personally am really noticing in what you say sounds Like this to me
YADA YADA YADA YADA BLAH , BLAH, BLAH , BLAH
GIBBERISH .
So if you Love me as much as your showing by PostingParts of your Posts at or Posting Directly AT ME ! ALSO BY THREATENING ME PERSONALLY. THEN Wow You do tend to keep me in your Heart and Mind consistently !
LOVE YOU TO !

Flutterbug
Last thought

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Last Comment to Pulto8 . What I find Funny is that you say I was not here when Blah blah blah Happened. In reality you have No idea . Also you have No possible way to know Who I Truly Am hehe or Who I have known and for how many yrs or if I have Been apart of this site before under another name such as your self either. You have No Clue as to Who I know In "Real" Life and How long HaHa ! Your just a Little little boy sitting behind a PC for hours upon Hours . That is Obvious due to the Amount of Time you enjoy thinking of me .
Love you

Apostle
Ask7787

Comment: 

I am sorry your post got hijacked. At times some of the people on here are like the reporters on CNN or MSNBC. They sow fake news and discord to hide their lack of knowledge on the subject. I would be happy to discuss with you and your husband in a PM about what happened in our home from the jealousy and discord that came from my second wife. I normally don't share much about our life then but perhaps it will help you and your family.

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Gandhi

Isabella
Herein lies the lie of the equal triad

Comment: 

You cannot force another persons feelings, you can't MAKE someone love someone else more.  That is trying to manipulate her feelings toyour husband feel better.  She feels what she feels.

Stop trying to make her a fantasy figure to suit your needs.  Let their relationship be what it is.

Pluto8
Pluto8's picture
Anyone

Comment: 

With a lick of honest sense can see Apostle openly and with extreme hostility hijacked this thread. Maybe he will censor his comments like he has so recently on other threads to CHA. Personally I have simply had enough of his bullying sincere people who drop into this site for advice and comfort. I never liked bullies  

Psalm 144:1  Blessed be Yahweh my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight

Flutterbug
Pluto8

Comment: 

Wow , Really You just Crack me Up !
Out of anyone on this site or any others I have been to. Pulto8 have you not Really read the Honest to God posts you have Made to me personally ?
Talk about Calling the Kettle Black !
Gotta just LOVE YOU ! You Make me all Warm and Fuzzy inside ! ; )

Apostle
Thank you Pluto

Comment: 

For being such a caring man. Stephen please stop seeking my attention and stick to the topic.

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Gandhi