Plural Wife
Introspection and self-reflection of a former plural wife. Though I am no longer living polygamy, I maintain my faith and beliefs.
Polygamy should not be a crime. Most polygamous families are loving, nurturing, and dedicated to each other. As with any marriage or family, there are challenges, struggles, and dysfunctional periods. Polygamous families are no different.
I am not FLDS; I believe the raid on the YFZ Ranch and mass seizing of their children was a travesty.
MPBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10447696069755864758Mary@principlevoices.orgBlogger348125Updated: 1 hour 27 min ago
I REALLY Don't Want to See Alby Naked
Just that. Last Sunday's episode was incredible TV, but seriously, I DO NOT want to see Alby naked. Ever. Again. Because I did see him once and that was more than I wanted. Thanks.Introspection of a Plural Wife
Categories: Plural Wife
Dear You
I thought of you today. I hope you are well, that you are happy, that you have joy and fulfillment in your life.
Sometimes I guess paths diverge in painful, angry ways and that pain turns into hostility and enmity. The world through your own eyes can become a cruel one, and you walk cloaked in an armor of your own making, deflecting even shafts of sunshine and kindness for fear they might be arrows sent to pierce you.
Let me go, let me go, you say, and then when you are released, you don't fly. You aren't ready to stop fighting, you need to be right, you need to blame. You need someone with whom to measure yourself. And so I am with you, dancing the tangled dance of fearful bonding, building a nest of anger and grief in which to hide myself away from flight. And then I abandon our angry nest and shed our armor and soar into the sun, and find that my world is bigger than us. I can live apart from you. I thrive in flight. I am not going back.
Are you ready little bird? Have you taken flight?
I wonder where my judgment has gone. Is it with you?
Maybe you remember only my imperfections, cast against your perfectness. Or maybe there is comfort in my frailty and terror in my strength.
I pray not, for my strength is my frailty; my forgiveness is my judgment; my love is my acceptance.
Lift your face to the sun. What do you feel? I feel it too.
Mary Batchelor
January 28, 2010Introspection of a Plural Wife
Sometimes I guess paths diverge in painful, angry ways and that pain turns into hostility and enmity. The world through your own eyes can become a cruel one, and you walk cloaked in an armor of your own making, deflecting even shafts of sunshine and kindness for fear they might be arrows sent to pierce you.
Let me go, let me go, you say, and then when you are released, you don't fly. You aren't ready to stop fighting, you need to be right, you need to blame. You need someone with whom to measure yourself. And so I am with you, dancing the tangled dance of fearful bonding, building a nest of anger and grief in which to hide myself away from flight. And then I abandon our angry nest and shed our armor and soar into the sun, and find that my world is bigger than us. I can live apart from you. I thrive in flight. I am not going back.
Are you ready little bird? Have you taken flight?
I wonder where my judgment has gone. Is it with you?
Maybe you remember only my imperfections, cast against your perfectness. Or maybe there is comfort in my frailty and terror in my strength.
I pray not, for my strength is my frailty; my forgiveness is my judgment; my love is my acceptance.
Lift your face to the sun. What do you feel? I feel it too.
Mary Batchelor
January 28, 2010Introspection of a Plural Wife
Categories: Plural Wife
Big Love - SO GOOD - Plus, Choe Sevigny Won a Golden Globe
Loved the show tonight. The episode was more serious this week, and as engaging as ever. The writing was so good.
I was struck by Sarah's story line; her struggle with telling her parents what she wanted an initially trying to avoid telling them altogether. I liked how she finally told her dad, and gave him and ultimately the whole family a chance to participate in her wedding and not only be aware of her decision but give them an opportunity to accept that decision (or not). Obviously it is not going to be easy but so many families evolve when their children marry and move in new directions and that evolution is always going to have some challenges. I felt like it was pretty real, and I was happy to be able to respect Sarah for her courage in standing on her own beliefs without shoving them in her parents face or cutting them out of her life. I understand the character is leaving the show, so I hope that departure happens without a severing of family ties.
Margie's independence and assertiveness is cool, and I really sympathized with Nikki's struggle with her faith and her identity and the repercussions of that with her immediate and extended family. It was interesting to see her teen daughter's reaction to the way Bill's wives "talk back" to him, and the fact that Bill's family "breaks all the rules" as she was taught them.
Couple of odd things: 1) picture of the Savior on the wall in the background when Bill and Joey are talking looked very Catholic. Mormon pictures of the Savior do not have a halo glow around the head. 2) Polygamy is NOT a misdemeanor in Utah. There is no specific polygamy statue in Utah, but it is against the law, a felony under the bigamy statute, through through a cohabitation prong. Bigamy is defined broadly in Utah precisely to target polygamists. If a married person "cohabits with" another person, or "purports to marry" another person, even if there is only one legal marriage license, it is considered a felony.
Plus, did you all see the Golden Globes tonight? Big Love was nominated for Best Drama but lost to Mad Men (which I also love!), and Chloe Sevigny won as Best Supporting Actress! She actually dedicated her award to her "sisterwives". :o)
Share with me your thoughts and favorite parts!Introspection of a Plural Wife
I was struck by Sarah's story line; her struggle with telling her parents what she wanted an initially trying to avoid telling them altogether. I liked how she finally told her dad, and gave him and ultimately the whole family a chance to participate in her wedding and not only be aware of her decision but give them an opportunity to accept that decision (or not). Obviously it is not going to be easy but so many families evolve when their children marry and move in new directions and that evolution is always going to have some challenges. I felt like it was pretty real, and I was happy to be able to respect Sarah for her courage in standing on her own beliefs without shoving them in her parents face or cutting them out of her life. I understand the character is leaving the show, so I hope that departure happens without a severing of family ties.
Margie's independence and assertiveness is cool, and I really sympathized with Nikki's struggle with her faith and her identity and the repercussions of that with her immediate and extended family. It was interesting to see her teen daughter's reaction to the way Bill's wives "talk back" to him, and the fact that Bill's family "breaks all the rules" as she was taught them.
Couple of odd things: 1) picture of the Savior on the wall in the background when Bill and Joey are talking looked very Catholic. Mormon pictures of the Savior do not have a halo glow around the head. 2) Polygamy is NOT a misdemeanor in Utah. There is no specific polygamy statue in Utah, but it is against the law, a felony under the bigamy statute, through through a cohabitation prong. Bigamy is defined broadly in Utah precisely to target polygamists. If a married person "cohabits with" another person, or "purports to marry" another person, even if there is only one legal marriage license, it is considered a felony.
Plus, did you all see the Golden Globes tonight? Big Love was nominated for Best Drama but lost to Mad Men (which I also love!), and Chloe Sevigny won as Best Supporting Actress! She actually dedicated her award to her "sisterwives". :o)
Share with me your thoughts and favorite parts!Introspection of a Plural Wife
Categories: Plural Wife
Big Love is Fun!
From Margie's testimony about the family's new "endeavor", the Casino, to the reappearance of Roman Grant (who we know was murdered at the end of last season), the season opener was a blast, with plenty of quirky, interesting developments.
We watched it with several friends, some of whom are currently polygamous.
"Mana" (pronounced mauna in the show) is really pronounced "man-a" with a short A sound. We were all kind of like, "What did he say?" and it took a second to realize what it was.
Then when the FBI are drilling Nikki at her house, and Bill comes in, one of the agents asks Bill to admit that Nikki is his "spirit wife". I don't know anyone who uses that term, but it's not necessarily inaccurate for an outsider to use it and fail to understand that it isn't right.
I wonder how Bruce Wisan likes the characterization of his "role": the state appointed trustee of the Juniper Creek group's trust shares a liaison with Alby in the park prior to meeting him in person outside a court hearing as opponents -- and what a moment was THAT!
Favorite Parts:
Nikki finding Roman in the freezer and asking her mother if she killed him. Then later when Nikki pushes her way into Alby's office by "biting" Alby's devious wife. "I tried to stop her father, but she bit me!"
Alby is one of my favorite characters. When he learns from Nikki that their father is well and truly dead, his face brightens with such a glow of happiness, and an almost smile, that it was a highlight of the episode. "No, you be sad." Nikki tells Alby, before a crisp exchange between the two of them over who may have killed him.
Button, button, who's got the button? The writers found a clever way to keep resurrecting Roman and I am delighted.
It looks like it's going to be an engaging season.Introspection of a Plural Wife
We watched it with several friends, some of whom are currently polygamous.
"Mana" (pronounced mauna in the show) is really pronounced "man-a" with a short A sound. We were all kind of like, "What did he say?" and it took a second to realize what it was.
Then when the FBI are drilling Nikki at her house, and Bill comes in, one of the agents asks Bill to admit that Nikki is his "spirit wife". I don't know anyone who uses that term, but it's not necessarily inaccurate for an outsider to use it and fail to understand that it isn't right.
I wonder how Bruce Wisan likes the characterization of his "role": the state appointed trustee of the Juniper Creek group's trust shares a liaison with Alby in the park prior to meeting him in person outside a court hearing as opponents -- and what a moment was THAT!
Favorite Parts:
Nikki finding Roman in the freezer and asking her mother if she killed him. Then later when Nikki pushes her way into Alby's office by "biting" Alby's devious wife. "I tried to stop her father, but she bit me!"
Alby is one of my favorite characters. When he learns from Nikki that their father is well and truly dead, his face brightens with such a glow of happiness, and an almost smile, that it was a highlight of the episode. "No, you be sad." Nikki tells Alby, before a crisp exchange between the two of them over who may have killed him.
Button, button, who's got the button? The writers found a clever way to keep resurrecting Roman and I am delighted.
It looks like it's going to be an engaging season.Introspection of a Plural Wife
Categories: Plural Wife
Signing Off - For Now
Hello everyone,
I will not be posting for awhile. My life has taken a sharp turn and I no longer have the ability to maintain a blog, nor do I have the passion for it.
I am now a certified rape crisis counselor and a volunteer victim advocate and hope to continue to serve people in that capacity. I hope to continue to be available for crisis response/relief for members of the polygamous culture. I have a great love for the people from that culture, as well as the other people I serve who are from various backgrounds and walks of life.
I am changing jobs. I am no longer able to continue as director of Principle Voices. We've had a great year, but in this tough economic time, my family has been hit hard and I have to do everything I can to help meet our family needs.
So, I am saying goodbye. Truthfully, Twitter is far more functional for me right now, because short updates are all I can muster at this time. So, I will continue to try to post news or links, etc., of interest on Twitter.
Principle Voices is not going away. Anne Wilde will be the go-to person for resources from the organization. You can contact Anne at principlevoices at comcast.net.Introspection of a Plural Wife
I will not be posting for awhile. My life has taken a sharp turn and I no longer have the ability to maintain a blog, nor do I have the passion for it.
I am now a certified rape crisis counselor and a volunteer victim advocate and hope to continue to serve people in that capacity. I hope to continue to be available for crisis response/relief for members of the polygamous culture. I have a great love for the people from that culture, as well as the other people I serve who are from various backgrounds and walks of life.
I am changing jobs. I am no longer able to continue as director of Principle Voices. We've had a great year, but in this tough economic time, my family has been hit hard and I have to do everything I can to help meet our family needs.
So, I am saying goodbye. Truthfully, Twitter is far more functional for me right now, because short updates are all I can muster at this time. So, I will continue to try to post news or links, etc., of interest on Twitter.
Principle Voices is not going away. Anne Wilde will be the go-to person for resources from the organization. You can contact Anne at principlevoices at comcast.net.Introspection of a Plural Wife
Categories: Plural Wife
Paper: Should Canada Criminalize Polygamy? (available on the Social Science Research Network)
A very good, very interesting paper. Recommended reading. Here is the abstract below.
Enjoy, Mary
**********
Should Canada Criminalize Polygamy?
Martha Bailey
Queen's University - Faculty of Law
November 19, 2009
Abstract:
The question addressed in this paper is whether, in addition to the marriage laws, which do not permit polygamy, and the criminal prohibition of bigamy, Canada should also retain the criminal provision on polygamy, which outlaws the practice of carrying on a conjugal relationship with more than one person. This paper argues that the provision is unnecessary to protect Canada's cultural commitment to monogamy, that it is problematically broad, and that it is not an effective tool in protecting the public interest or preventing harms to women and children.
Keywords: marriage, monogamy, polygamy, criminal law, closed communities, child protection, gender equality, immigrationmpaw
JEL Classifications: K00, K42
Working Paper Series
Date posted: November 21, 2009 ; Last revised: November 24, 2009Introspection of a Plural Wife
Enjoy, Mary
**********
Should Canada Criminalize Polygamy?
Martha Bailey
Queen's University - Faculty of Law
November 19, 2009
Abstract:
The question addressed in this paper is whether, in addition to the marriage laws, which do not permit polygamy, and the criminal prohibition of bigamy, Canada should also retain the criminal provision on polygamy, which outlaws the practice of carrying on a conjugal relationship with more than one person. This paper argues that the provision is unnecessary to protect Canada's cultural commitment to monogamy, that it is problematically broad, and that it is not an effective tool in protecting the public interest or preventing harms to women and children.
Keywords: marriage, monogamy, polygamy, criminal law, closed communities, child protection, gender equality, immigrationmpaw
JEL Classifications: K00, K42
Working Paper Series
Date posted: November 21, 2009 ; Last revised: November 24, 2009Introspection of a Plural Wife
Categories: Plural Wife
Happy Thanksgiving & Black Friday
I spent the night at my parents' house Wednesday with my sister.
Our Thanksgiving dinner Thursday was fantastic. My mom and sister made 10 pies, chocolate, vanilla, pumpkin and pecan for dessert, as well as a rainbow Jello dessert with cream cheese filing and crushed pineapple that is a long-time family tradition. We had turkey, potatoes, corn, stuffing, cranberry sauce and yams, and a whole bunch of piping hot, homemade butterhorn rolls that are from my grandmother's recipe that came to our family from a Swedish great-grandma.
We enjoyed some family home movies from when we were little kids; footage of us when we lived in Alaska and California. I was seven in Alaska, and I remembered a lot of the scenery and things. We were at Disneyland hugging Mickey Mouse. There were a couple different Christmases on there, too, from three different houses over a period of several years. My brothers and sister were so tiny and cute. There was even one shot of us walking through Tiajuana and picking out sombreros for boys and dolls for us girls. Our choice in the selection!
It was really a nice holiday.
On a different note, I'm looking forward to a new day, and a new direction in my work. Hoping for the best even though times are tough!
God bless you all and your families as we head into the Christmas season.
Mary ~Introspection of a Plural Wife
Our Thanksgiving dinner Thursday was fantastic. My mom and sister made 10 pies, chocolate, vanilla, pumpkin and pecan for dessert, as well as a rainbow Jello dessert with cream cheese filing and crushed pineapple that is a long-time family tradition. We had turkey, potatoes, corn, stuffing, cranberry sauce and yams, and a whole bunch of piping hot, homemade butterhorn rolls that are from my grandmother's recipe that came to our family from a Swedish great-grandma.
We enjoyed some family home movies from when we were little kids; footage of us when we lived in Alaska and California. I was seven in Alaska, and I remembered a lot of the scenery and things. We were at Disneyland hugging Mickey Mouse. There were a couple different Christmases on there, too, from three different houses over a period of several years. My brothers and sister were so tiny and cute. There was even one shot of us walking through Tiajuana and picking out sombreros for boys and dolls for us girls. Our choice in the selection!
It was really a nice holiday.
On a different note, I'm looking forward to a new day, and a new direction in my work. Hoping for the best even though times are tough!
God bless you all and your families as we head into the Christmas season.
Mary ~Introspection of a Plural Wife
Categories: Plural Wife